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They Love Bomb You, Then Break You Down: Understanding Narcissistic Abuse | For Mannerless Women

Legally Clueless

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Synopsis

What happens when the person who once made you feel like the centre of their world becomes the person who makes you question your worth?

The constant attention. The big promises. The feeling that you've finally found someone who truly understands you. And then, slowly, the affection changes. The criticism begins. Your boundaries are tested. You find yourself holding on to the person they were at the beginning.

In Part 1 of this conversation on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with psychologist and trauma therapist Perpetua Chomba to unpack how narcissistic abuse can begin, how it can escalate, and why recognising and leaving a harmful relationship can be so difficult. They explore love bombing, future faking, gaslighting and the cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering. They also discuss how inconsistent affection can strengthen attachment, why setting boundaries matters, and how our earliest experiences of love can shape the relationships we find ourselves in as adults.

In this episode, we explore:

Love bombing and future faking: when intensity is mistaken for intimacy
How someone responds when you set a boundary
Gaslighting, silent treatment and emotional manipulation
Financial abuse, isolation and other forms of control
The cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering
Narcissistic patterns in family relationships
Trauma bonds and why leaving can feel so difficult
How the highs and lows of a relationship can become familiar
Learning to recognise consistent love without abandoning yourself

In Part 2, Adelle and Perpetua explore healing from narcissistic abuse and answer questions sent in by the For Mannerless Women community.

CONNECT WITH PERPETUA CHOMBA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapist_perpetua
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therapistperpetua

RESOURCES RECOMMENDED BY PERPETUA

The covert Passive aggressive narcissist by debbie mirza book
Will I ever be good enough healing daughters of narcissistic mothers by karyl McBride
Boundaries by Dr henry cloud

JOIN THE LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA COMMUNITY
Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube

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Subscribe to For Mannerless Women wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss Part 2.

#ForMannerlessWomen #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #LoveBombing #TraumaBonds #AfricanWomen #LegallyCluelessAfrica

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